Just Doing It

April 2, 2008

I have to write about a friend in my tai chi class.  She and her husband are in the software industry — high stressed, intensely left-brained jobs.  She’s been telling me about how, since she began her journey to tap into her creativity, she’s been writing poetry and songs.  A couple of weeks ago she brought a notebook of her songs and poetry to class, and I was floored with the beauty in what I read.  She told me that she and her husband began the journey into finding their creativity a year ago, and now they go to open mics and perform the songs and music that they compose.

Last night her husband brought his guitar and they performed a song that they co-wrote over the weekend.  It was a wonderful, thoughtful piece.  As I listened to them I thought to myself “they must have had music in their background”.

After their performance, I asked them what sort of music experience they had had.

“None, really.  I was in the chorus in high school.  She played at little piano…  neither of us has done anything since high school.”

“How could that be?” I asked.  “How do you know what notes to write down when you’re composing your songs?”

They each showed me their sheets.  On his sheet, above the words, were just the chord letters:  “C, G, F, A, etc.”  On her sheet were numbers:  “1 2 3 2 5 4 3 2 1…”  The increasing numbers said to go up the scale, and the decreasing numbers said to go down.  That’s all they had for the music.

I have, on one of the index cards taped to the wall in my office, the words “Just Do It”.  Maybe that’s all creativity is….  just doing it.  Not agonizing about how to get the words onto the paper, not fretting about doing it the “right way”.  Those two people inspire me, because this is exactly where I would like my journey to end up.  I want to open my brain so that my creativity breaks rules and conventions and finds a way to “just do it”.

Wait a Day

April 2, 2008

They say if you don’t like the weather in New England wait a day.  Same goes for life, actually.  We humans have a strange sensation of time.  I remember as a child going through a learning process where, if something was going to happen next year, it was insignificant;  because next year was so far into the future, it may never come.  Or I’d be dead.  Or someone else would be dead.  Or the world would have come to an end.  Anything could happen in a year.   Time was like a fuzzy concept that I couldn’t really grasp.

I’m thinking about time today, because just a week ago I was wondering how I was going to make it through the next day.  Stopping the course of prednisone I was on for my hives so consumed me with some sort of physical withdrawal depression and dizziness.  I even, momentarily, entertained the thought of suicide, and then decided to try to sleep on it first.

This past Monday I broke down and called my dermatologist and explained about the hives coming back.  He told me to add Zyrtec to the Alavert that I’m already taking.  I did a google on Zyrtec, and read a lot of reviews about it causing nasty symptoms like depression, that last thing that I want to have to tackle right now.  Still, I decided to try it.  First day, I felt paranoid and depressed (no doubt because I expected to).  I wondered if I’d have to live the rest of my life feeling depressed and sleepy.   Second day I felt a bit better.

Today is the third day on Zyrtec, and I don’t feel quite so bad.  And the itchiness is beginning to feel tolerable.  There’s one spot that might actually be disappearing (Yes, when you have hives, every single spot becomes a project whose status is monitored on a minute by minute basis throughout the day.  If only work projects would get this sort of attention).  I feel that I have a life today.

God, I’m so glad I didn’t kill myself last Wednesday when I thought about it.  All I had to do was wait a day :).